liza bean

Moving time

Because I do not speak nor write in the language of "html" I have decided to journey on over to the land of typepad. I have been itching to change things around here for months but just couldn't quite tackle how to format everything. I will continue my blogging at http://lizabean.typepad.com.

Billy, thank you so much for setting up this blog for me nearly a year ago and consistently getting rid of the ugly comments- a task I couldn't quite figure out, although I did thoroughly confuse myself trying.

february frustration

Do not let the bright 'n sunny days fool you- "baby it's cold outsiiiide"-lalala. I have been itching to go outside and run around. My body is screaming for exercise of the fun variety. Well, any exercise at all, for that matter. It's that time of year. When winter has become an annoyance and everyone in the Midwest is getting rather stir crazy. Let us out! Let us out! Let us out! I shouldn't say everyone. I do recall seeing the U of I track team out for a run this afternoon. And there were plenty of frat boys walking around in t-shirts. Because, come on, it's sunny! Oh and that glorious sunshine -it's making a noble attempt to transform leaveless trees and dirt-brown grass into a sparkling landscape of .......well, anyway, it's trying. But don't get me wrong- I am grateful for the sunshine, despite my February antsy-ness. I just can't wait for slightly warmer weather. Until then, get used to the same recycled photographs of summer '04's plants and flowers.

P.S. I'm feeling better

Before I fall asleep ever so soundly (or so I hope), just wanted to share that I left my placement today feeling happy. I do believe the thought of, "hmm, I might actually be able to do this on my own some day" actually crossed my mind. So yey!

"Joy gives us wings" and I feel like a penguin

In all seriousness I write the following NOT because I want to be pitied or that I feel sorry for myself. My troubles are my own and I would NOT trade them for anyone else's (because, goodness, mine aren't that bad-- I know this!). My purpose in writing is therapuetic in nature. With that said:

It's that time again. I've been feeling heavy lately. My mind's been fogged by an unsettling sadness that I just can't shake. The next few days seem unsurmountable. The next few years seem cloudy and mundane, redundant really. I need to fight so very hard against this state of mind. It's interesting how sadness creates a literal ache in the chest area. Wonder what that is about, chemically or pyschologically or whateverally. That's right. I wrote it. Whateverally.

I went to a TA meeting tonight and the mood was tense and everyone was talking over each other and...oh man, it was tense. Students are very unhappy and we were trying to sort out the discrepancies in grading. An 8:30pm meeting time is not good. My supervisor remarked something about me not being very upbeat tonight and I realized, man, I'm never upbeat on a Monday night! I have this initial reaction to tell myself " must be more enthusiastic next week so that she'll know I really care about doing a good job as a TA". This tendency to want to be SUPER in the eyes of all people is really screwing me over big time. I'm just always going to be tired at 8:30 pm on a Monday evening and that's that. No need to mentally beat myself upside the head about it.

I find it really odd that hardest thing I find about life is being happy about life.

It's exhausting, being nervous about what I say in front of my family and friends. I think I'm quiet so often because I think too hard. Plus, I am not very eloquent and find it extremely difficult to get my thoughts expressed exactly how I feel them.

Well, I beginning to think too hard again. Stress level is rising. This post must come to...The end.

Sick day

Home sick today. Weird things happening with my body. Weirder than the wiggly tongue (which has subsided, thank goodness). Hopefully the doctor will dispel my over-zealous worries.

Lingual happenings

My tongue has a twitch. I wonder, is it a nervous tongue twitch? Perhaps I am an odd duck who does not develop twitches in normal places- like in my eye, for Pete's sake. Now granted, most people have a little bit of movement going on when the tongue is protruded so I'm not really that worried. But I've been looking at my tongue for some time now (ummhmmm, I do that) and it doesn't look normal-it's big time wiggling of which I have no control.

Must go look in the mirror again. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted.

Your BABY!

Speckled Feet for Suzanne

Speckled Hand for Husayn

A sneak peak at spring

Here's to the sunny days that will surely come our way...a hey...a hey, hey! These pictures were taken last August (YIKES!) of my momma's flowers/plants. I disappointedly discovered that my lens, despite rigorous cleansing with the appropriate material, has a chronic case of dust particlelitis. Please ignore annoying specks when appropriate:

Oh Happy Day!

Fuzzies with a Blur of Red

Momma's Magenta

Gentle Whisps

Grandmommie's Favorite

How could I resist? Amia Carmen, around 4 weeks.

Sweet Sleep in Sara's Arms

Darn you DUST!

Fighting the grouchiness that comes from bad news

Okay, here's my dilemma: I was told today that I will NOT be receiving a hospital placement in the area this summer. My options are as follows:
#1. I could try to find a year round school and get at least 4 weeks (of a needed 8) done in May/June and then wait to finish in August and start a hospital placement in September. Not digging this option.
#2. I could try to find a job that would not drive me bonkers over the summer and attempt to squeeze in a school placement and hospital placement in September-December (even though in my head I was going to be D-U-N done by October...)
#3. I could try to find a hospital placement in Chicago area over the summer with the big downside being that I would only see Brent on the weekends.
What am I to do??

Moo, baa, lalala!

I love children's literature. I spent a good half hour reading all of Amia's book today (on top of another good twenty minutes reading a few to her, the girl's into books now!) My favorite by far is called "Moo, Baa, LaLaLa". Can't remember the author's name at the moment but the following are some of the lines: "A cow says moo. A sheep says baa. Three singing pigs say lalala. What's that you say? No, that's not right. Pigs say OINK all day and night." Or something like that. I'm about ready to head out to Pages for All Ages to start building my future children's home library. My goodness, the damage I could do to my bank account. Thank you public libraries. I will pay my 10 cent fine, I promise!

why I'm feeling good at the moment, despite the lingering cold in my nose

Because this morning I looked at my "students" (for the class I am TAing) as good, thoughtful people and NOT as scary meanies who will say prickly things about me and laugh when I make verbal mistakes.

Because this morning I felt confident, despite the past 30 hours spent this week feeling like I wanted to stuff my OWN head in Mr. Potato Head's rear.

Because my nose has temporarily stopped running (thank you DayQuil!) after yesterday's 6 hour marathon. Seriously, why are the tissue manufacturers of tissue the texture of sandpaper still in business?

Because three strangers complimented me on my sweater. Three.

Because I just finished eating a nummy salad of chick peas, olive oil and baby spinach leaves. (Take that you over-worked, too little rested body oh mine! No more reheated pizza for you. I mean it.)

Because it is sunny!

Well, back to the clinic..Have a great day!

A different side to an SLP's world

I spent a good six hours at the actual hospital today, shadowing the speech language pathologist as she evaluated both acute and rehab patients. Needless to say, it was quite a different experience from working with children. The majority were individuals who needed a swallowing evaluation -the only life/death responsibility of an SLP. I don't know if I could ever handle that. If you put someone on a diet of solid food or liquids and his/her swallowing mechanism can't handle it, then that patient could end up choking or eventually come down with pnemonia (due to liquid or food penetrating the lungs). It was also interesting to be more exposed to the hospital atmosphere. In particular, after spending an hour in the ICU, I am ever so grateful that my biggest source of anxiety at the moment is whether or not I'll be able to handle the caseload next week, and NOT a sick child or husband recovering from a bad auto accident.

The language of a speech-language pathologist, or rather, one in training

During my first week with the SLP, she had a chunks of time during the day free due to cancellations from bad weather. This week was quite the opposite. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were each 10 hours straight of working with clients (minus 15 minutes for lunch). Thursday I got a break and spent the morning reading up on her kiddies' files as next week I take over half her caseload. Some things I will probably find myself saying, ALOT: "Use your snake sound.." "Is it a tider or a spider?" "It's his noisy brother" "Use your words" "My turn! Okay, your turn!" "Do you want to be the teacher or the student?" "Oh no, I lost! You're so good at this game!" "Good job!" "Good try!" "Good" "That was better"...among others. So to the parents of any children I may come across in the next few days/weeks/etc., I apologize ahead of time if I revert to some of the cueing that is becoming a happy habit: "You want to tolor or you want to color (as I point to the back of my throat, 'cause your tongue has to go back to make the "k" sound)?"...

A short note before bed

I almost wish I had a videotape of myself attempting to be a speech language pathologist. "Uh, yeah, good job putting your tongue behind your teeth.." "Oh, yeah, there..you swallowed...and..there...am I right?"

And the highlight of my day (written dooce style):
Toot, audibly, so that the every adult in the room has immense difficulty ignoring the fact that you, little one, just farted. Then announce, "Sorry, I honked".

uh, the monthly entry?

Our computer is up and running after a long bout of an infection known as a virus. No worries- our medicine consisted of erasing everything and reinstallling everything. Our current diet includes a steady intake of firewall, Norton anti-virus, and avoidance of downloading. I need to be in bed in exactly 30 minutes so, yet again, this will be a brief post. My day consisted of 10 hours of speech, 'Liza making a fool of herself', language, and then more 'Liza making a fool of herself'. I wish I could write about the people I meet and the experiences I have with the most interesting of children but I feel this strong sense that even if my stories were anonymous (sp.?) I would be breaking some mysterious code of confidentiality. It's pretty hyped in the hospital world so my sometimes overzealous obedience to laws has made me a bit paranoid. I can say that my lack of confidence, something I was able to slightly rise above the last few months of the fall semester, has roared its ugly head again. As to be expected. This Liza-girl does not do well with change in routine but I will prevail! A mental forecast of this here's brain does predict a certain thing called determination, along with forgiveness of self.